DISCLAIMER 1 : I WANTED to like it. I tried SO hard. I didn’t even FAST FORWARD!

DISCLAIMER 2 : Queer teen love is pretty much my favourite genre in the whole world.

DISCLAIMER 3 : I was totally prepped for wholesome and not expecting Elite style shenanigans.

DISCLAIMER 4 : Heartstopper is perfect for starting sex ed talks with 8 -12 year olds.

BUT it’s BORING as a TV series.

And before you burn me at the stake here’s why…

NUMBER 1 : Not enough happens. There’s not enough going on in the graphic novels but instead of expanding storylines or keeping it short they eke it out at a snail’s pace for 10 episodes, making me regret my…z..z..z…

NUMBER 2 : The characters are too passive. I know Charlie is meant to be the nerdy shy guy but what’s everyone else’s excuse? Nick is normal with a capital N, Elle is a shrinking violet, Isaac is blandness with a book. Only Tau seems to have opinions and attitude.

NUMBER 3: They don’t talk like teens. Was the dialogue written by a smart chimpanzee and a sentient robot raised by a posh white British dude?

4 – And they don’t act like teens. There’s way too much ‘Rom’ and not enough ‘Com’. Stop the floating leaves and saccherine indie pop breaks or I’m gonna murder Richard Curtis. (I should do that anyway, he’s the worst.)

I’m not a monster, like I said romantic AF for queer love BUT it’s possible to be sweet and PG but also have humour, stakes and chutzpah. Sadly Heartstopper did not get that memo.

Okay bring on the pitchforks and torches.